Crazy news that you WON'T be expecting!

Hey everyone! 

We have a very BIG and exciting update! SO we decided to create a video :) Hope you enjoy it! 

Below, I wrote a blog that includes slightly more details than the video. In addition, on the bottom you can find all the information you need for donations and our fundraiser. 

It is no secret that I am currently undergoing chemotherapy. However, Ryan and I are also starting a NEW journey. A surrogacy journey to start our family. With our sights set on the light at the end of the tunnel, we have recently found ourselves standing before yet another hurdle. Prior to moving to Norway and starting treatment, we tried to do everything we could to preserve my eggs but we didn't have any time due to the severity of the diagnosis & prognosis. At that time, we were ok with it because we trusted the doctors, who informed us that these treatments would have no effect on her eggs or fertility,  and we also wanted my life to come first. So we stopped our research and proceeded with chemotherapy. Unfortunately, they were wrong. 

After speaking with the professionals, we were informed that I am unable to carry a child for the next few years due to what her body has been going through & her emergency surgery on her liver. But there is still a chance that I may also never be able to carry a child. The doctors told us that if I would carry a child, we could both put my own life at risk and also the unborn baby's. After going through months of treatment, we don't want to put my body & life through more than it has to and it is important that her body heals and recovers. In addition, once I am done with my scheduled treatments, I am required to take CT scans regularly to monitor my body and to catch if there is any further spreading or changes with my cancer. Regular scans are very important and if I were to be pregnant, it would require us to take a break from the scans, which would be too dangerous. The professionals also informed us that after receiving 3 different types of chemotherapy drugs, my eggs are most likely damaged and that my eggs would likely not be strong enough for a pregnancy. This left us both broken-hearted and upset and we needed some time to process everything. However, none of this changed the fact that we both still wanted to be parents. We looked into adoption, but it's nearly impossible for us to adopt anywhere in the world at this time and the wait list is insanely long.

 

So we have chosen surrogacy as our pathway into parenthood. We are looking to raise money to start a family using Ryans DNA and either an egg from a family member, a friend or the donation bank. (Our goal is to find someone that looks closest to me).

The process is not easy. However, after many weeks of researching companies all over the world, and many consultations later, we believe we found the perfect company for us that guides us through the process of doing surrogacy in the United States.

We chose the US because they have the most experience when it comes to surrogacy. They have about a 99.3% success rate on pregnancies with first embryo transfers, they are very organized, strict, and cautious with all legal work. In addition, we can do a pre-birth order during the 2nd trimester (which legally states us as the legal parents at birth) and it is also important for us that our child can have a US passport and be given all the same rights as Ryan.

The agency that will be guiding us through this exciting process is located in Stockholm, Sweden. They are very experienced when it comes to legal work involving bringing the child back to Scandinavia and obtaining residency & citizenship in Norway, which is a very important factor to us. 

The hardest and biggest challenge of all this is coming up with enough money to pay for our journey. Raising $170,000 USD will not be easy but we are looking to you for support. 

Why is it so expensive you may ask? A large portion (roughly 45-60%) of it goes to the wonderful surrogate carrying our baby. The other 40-55% goes to all the agency fees, paying for the birth, clinic fees, fees for creating the embryos, insurance, etc. Because the US has the most experience and doesn't have free healthcare, it comes with a high cost. But it is also the safest country for surrogacy due to its strict laws and education/experience. There are other countries that are cheaper but then it also comes with higher risks during pregnancy and we wouldn't be able to have any contact with the surrogate. The surrogate most likely wouldn't be able to speak any English and it would just be a mystery of what she's up to and how she's doing while she's pregnant and that just didn't sit well with us. We wanted to have a surrogate mother that is safe and that we can have a meaningful relationship with, so we can be as much part of the pregnancy journey as possible. 

Some of you might be wondering why are we starting this process now? 

That’s a great question! The reason we are starting this now is that this is not a fast and simple process. It takes a few months to do the paperwork and for Ryan to get tested, a few months to find an egg donor (we haven't decided on one yet) and create the embryos, a few months to find the surrogate, a few months for the surrogate to be in a cycle in order to get pregnant, and then the long & exciting 9-month pregnancy. The entire process can take between 18-24 months. Nearly 2-3x longer than a regular pregnancy, so it is important to start planning early. In addition, surrogates are popular and we don’t want to get stuck on a very long waiting list. 

If any of you have a child/children you know that it’s a love that no one can ever experience until having a child of your own. You know that your children become your everything and your entire world. Ryan and I have both wanted to be parents individually since we were really young and it’s something we have greatly bonded over the years we have been together. Since we got married, we have been counting down the days until we got to start trying ourselves for a family. Originally, before I got my diagnosis, we were going to start trying for a family this fall. We certainly still will try for a family, but it’s going to look a little different than we first had planned. It’s going to be safe and through surrogacy. With that, we are asking you to please donate if you can and as often as you can to help make our dream come true. Our desire to become parents is bigger than anyone could ever imagine. We hope that this touches your heart and encourages you to donate to us. We are SO EXCITED for this entire process and can’t wait for the day that we get to hold our baby in our arms. 

Here is a link to our Go Fund Me page for donations. 

For those in Iceland, you can also donate through my Icelandic bank: 

0566-26-112906 kt. 290693-3069

Last but not least!! Ryan and I have created a FUNDRAISER! 

Here is the link to it: Fundraiser

The last couple of months, Ryan and I have been working very hard to create this fundraiser. We figured we would try to do everything we can to contribute and make this donation process more exciting. We have created our own cookbook with recipes and information on how food has been helpful for us during this difficult time. In addition there will be spread smiles shirts and bracelets for sale. We are super excited for the opportunity to keep spreading smiles and making an impact in our community. Please use the link above (fundraiser) to place an order. There is also a section for additional donations at the bottom of the form if you wish/can. 

Again, thank you so so much for all the support we have gotten so far! We are extremely thankful for everything and we really wouldn't be here today without you guys. 

We look forward to following along with the fundraiser! Let's keep spreading those smiles! 

- Ryan and Maria (The Toneys).